Recovery Meditations ~ Failure ~ One Day at a Time ~ August 24, 2010

~ FAILURE ~

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"Accept that all of us can be hurt, that

all of us can - and surely will at times

- fail. Other vulnerabilities, like

being embarrassed or risking love, can

be terrifying, too."

Dr. Joyce Brothers

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The prospect of failing ~ or worse yet,

"Being A Failure" ~ was a crippling

monster which held me in its cold and

unforgiving stranglehold. If I thought I

could not do a thing perfectly, I would

not do it at all. If I didn’t know the

"Right" way to act or to be, I was

paralyzed. One day my therapist shocked

me by suggesting I make a mistake on

purpose. She wanted me to practice

giving myself permission to make

mistakes and to survive the experience.

I vividly recall intentionally dropping

a gum wrapper on the ground and leaving

it there. The Fearful Perfectionist

inside of me screamed, "Pick it up! You

never litter! This is wrong!" Yet I also

heard a whisper welling up from within:

"It will be alright. Just let it go."

As part of my Recovery, I am exploring

with brutal honesty the mistakes I’ve

made in my life: the ways and the people

that I’ve failed. Though doing so is

embarrassing, humbling, and frightening,

I am surprised to find a budding sense

of relief. My attempts to avoid Failure

never made me Perfect; rather, they

caused me to be more entrenched in my

pride, insecurities, fears, and stunted

growth. A young girl I know is an expert

skater. I asked her how she learned, and

her answer stopped me in my tracks:

"Mostly by falling down."

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .


I will practice accepting my failures as necessary steps towards my healing. I will remember that the word "practice" honors the fact that we gain our progress by making attempts, failing, and learning from our mistakes.