~ PERFECTION ~
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People throw away what they could have
by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have,
and looking for it where they will never find it.
Edith Schaeffer
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Time and time again I felt like I was
suspended from two ropes, being flogged
for my imperfections. The tragic fact of
that vision was that I was the person
wielding the whip!
Before my eyes, heart and mind were
opened by the Twelve Steps and
Traditions, I sought perfection in
everything I attempted. A simple letter
would be written and rewritten until I
was satisfied that perfection had been
achieved and the letter could be
sent. Frequently the goal was not
reached and I would abandon the project
in frustration, bitterly disappointed
with myself. Events that I organized had
to be executed with the utmost
precision. If, God forbid, a mistake was
made, I would beat myself up over it for
days until sheer mental and emotional
exhaustion prevailed.
Ironically, I never sought perfection in
others and accepted that it was okay for
them to be human. However, seeking
perfection within myself became an
obsession tangled with the search for
self-acceptance. Needless to say, a
rainbow cannot be seen through closed
eyes, and I never found that which I
sought. Through the teachings of the
Twelve Steps, I have come to appreciate
that the beauty within myself is that I
am not perfect. Through my mistakes I
can grow, through my imperfections I can
find serenity and release from the
struggle.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will accept that I am perfectly imperfect.