Recovery Meditations ~ The Present ~ One Day at a Time ~ September 11, 2010

~ THE PRESENT ~
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"Real generosity towards the future

consists in giving all to what is

present."

Albert Camus

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Fear ruled my life until two years

ago. I was paralyzed with fear about the

future and what would happen when "they"

discovered how bad I really was and how

little they could trust me. I was

terrified that the past would catch up

with me and I’d be found out. The guilt

and shame of my last binge came along

for the ride as I replayed the scene

compulsively and beat myself up for

screwing up yet again. This made it

impossible for me to stay in the

present.

In program I learned that I wasn’t

really paralyzed by the past nor the

future; rather, I was paralyzed by fear

of losing control. The only way to

release that fear was to admit, every

hour of every day, that I was powerless

over people, the past, the future and

the food. When I wrote it down and put

it in my God box, I could live in the

present time. It was hard at first, and

I'd grab it back when the fear crept

in. But I'd let it go a little more each

time, allowing me to be free of fear and

enjoy moments of the day. The moments

turned into hours and soon I was

experiencing a full day without

fear. The fear of the past and the

future held less sway over me as I

worked the Steps, surrendered my fears,

and did service.

Service is the most important tool for

me. The more service I do, the more I am

fully alive in the present and I worry

less about the past and the future. The

peace and serenity that replaced the

fear are blessed gifts allowing me to

explore more of the present day. With

them, I can honestly share myself with

others and rebuild relationships. I now

know the freedom of "giving all to what

is present" and I pray for the

willingness to stay in the present and

be generous toward my future.


ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I live fully in the present, easily and effortlessly surrendering the past and the future to my Higher Power.