~ RISK ~
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"And the day came when the risk to
remain tight in the bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom."
Anais Nin
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I think that many people, like myself,
come into Twelve Step Programs out of
desperation. I had just begun to realize
that the price I was paying to continue
eating compulsively was way too
high. For me, I noticed I was a very
distracted and impatient mother. I saw
my children getting more and more out of
control because I had neither the time
nor the energy to discipline myself, let
alone them. I started to wonder what
kind of lives I was training them to
live. I saw my husband disappear more
and more into books and work, and
retreating from me. My body was
beginning to rebel against what I was
doing to it. I was sleeping in a
recliner because I could not breathe
well enough to sleep in my bed. My knees
and my feet were beginning to hurt. I
was unable to do even routine housework
and shopping without great effort and
discomfort.
I began to realize this was no way to
live. I was consumed with both the fear
of living and the fear of dying. I had a
friend who was in a similar condition,
and together we gathered up the courage
to attend a few program meetings. I also
discovered a wonderful community of
program members online and here is where
I found the courage to move forward and
to begin my recovery journey. It was
also online I found the fellow sufferer
in recovery who became my sponsor.
I am so thankful my Higher Power made me
realize that I could move through the
fear I had about living. With the help
of my program and my Higher Power, I
became a blossoming flower who did not
die in the bud.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
accept that fear may be in my life and
that my Higher Power is stronger than
anything I fear. I move forward today
trusting my Higher Power to draw me to
my highest good. I know that growth
comes with action and I am willing to
risk moving through the fear into
positive action.