~ CHANGE ~
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To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
Helen Keller
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As far back as I can remember, I have
always been fearful of change. I
preferred to stay in my comfort zone,
even when it became uncomfortable or
painful. I suppose that was why I stayed
in the disease for so long; it was what
I knew. It was safe and predictable and
I didn't have to deal with painful
emotions such as loss and
rejection. This was also why I stayed so
long in a bad marriage; I was terrified
of what was outside the walls of my
dysfunctional relationship. In truth, I
didn't really live, because fear of
change prevented me from forming new
relationships and doing new and exciting
things. Even the move from one city to
another was totally traumatic, because
the old and familiar was what I knew,
not because it was better. Even then, I
spent so long looking at the closed door
behind me that I failed to see the open
door in front of me.
I know now that even when I fear change,
I need only put one foot in front of the
other, and do what is before me. Because
I now have faith that my Higher Power
will be with me every step of the way, I
need only ask for help, and the help
comes. Even though it still is not easy,
I am aware of how many changes I have
been able to make with the help of my
Higher Power. In the past, I spent so
much time obsessing about the outcome
that I talked myself out of the change I
was thinking of making. The biggest
change that has happened for me is my
newfound faith which enables me to take
that leap into the unknown.
There have been other miraculous changes
too. Now I have a more open and honest
relationship with my children and others
because I am able to take more risks and
set boundaries, which I had never been
able to do before. I have changed
careers, undertaken flying overseas on
my own, and in general am not the scared
person I used to be. I also have a whole
new family of wonderful friends in this
fellowship who understand me and love me
always.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I continue to grow and change as God wills me to do, and I will not be afraid because I know that He will always be there to guide and help me.