~ LETTING GO ~
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He who cannot rest, cannot work;
He who cannot let go, cannot hold on;
He who cannot find footing, cannot go forward.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
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Prior to walking through the doors of
this program my aim in life was to set
up barricades against possible
attacks. My mind was cluttered with
battle strategies and defense tactics. I
would try to predict every conceivable
plot to topple me from my self-appointed
throne. I would seek to control
situations in order to dominate the
outcomes. I would bend over backwards to
do for others what I didn't want them to
do for themselves, so that I could
contain the situation. I would
manipulate, influence and maneuver
myself into a position of power so that
I wasn't presented with any
surprises. Every situation was weighed
for the probability of failure. I never
took chances.
This process took time and vast amounts
of energy; my mind was in a constant
cacophony. Consequently there was no
room for growth, no space for acquiring
new skills and no time to develop old
ones. Every day was a constant juggling
act between an ever-decreasing energy
supply and an escalating demand to feel
secure. The more I sought to control,
the less I controlled.
Working through Step One brought the
whole crusade to an end. I learned to
let go of what I had laughingly called
control. I learned to relinquish the
helm and acknowledge that I wasn't such
a good driver. Almost instantly I became
aware of a path beneath my feet. I was,
for the first time in the longest time,
moving forwards. The scenery was
changing and the outlook was brighter.
ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I will accept what I cannot do alone, and let go and let God.