Recovery Meditations ~ Humility ~ One Day At A Time ~ February 23, 2011


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To the humble man, and to the humble man

Alone, the sun is really a sun; to the

Humble man, and to the humble man alone,

The sea is really a sea.

. . . G.K. Chesterton

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Before I started recovery, lack of

clarity was all around me and within

me. There was too much fear. I was

unable to acknowledge: This is who I am,

and this is what's going on, no more,

and no less. I was afraid to name my

husband's abusive behaviour. I was

afraid to name my complicity in it. I

was afraid to name who I was and what I

wanted and needed, and I was afraid to

name the behaviour of those around me

who wanted me to fit into their mold. My

husband was scared silly that one day

the world would find out that we weren't

the perfect family.

So I was not humble. I kept nurturing

the fog that covered what was really

going on. And boy, was I good at it. I

kind of had an inkling that something

wasn't right, so, semi-consciously, I

made sure that my denial was

watertight. I knew that if we pretended

that we were a 100% perfect family,

there might be suspicions. So I made

sure I'd slip in a little problem here

and there.

At one point, luckily, I allowed the

bubble to burst. I started naming

things, loud and clear. I named them to

the police, I named them to my friends

and family, I named them in my poetry. I

started playing with another 12-step


But it took me another twelve years to

name that I was an overeater. In those

years I gained another 70 pounds (with

some yoyo dieting thrown in, of

course). Humbly admitting that, yes,

really, I was an overeater, was the best

thing I've done since ridding my family

of my abusive spouse. I humbly admitted

that I had been abusing myself with my

eating behaviours. Now I can see

clearly. (I can also see more clearly

how wounded my ex spouse is, making it

easier for me to work on forgiving him).


I accept the gift of humility. I am not afraid anymore to look reality in the eye - and what I see is as right as the sun and the sea.