Recovery Meditations ~ Self Knowledge ~ One Day At A Time ~ February 20, 2011


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There were deep secrets hidden in my

heart, never said for fear others would

scoff or sneer. At last I can reveal my

sufferings, for the strength I once felt

in silence has lost all its power.

Deirdra Sarault

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I've heard it said in program that we

are only a sick as the secrets we

keep. If that is the case, then I was

very sick when desperation forced me

through the doors of ths wonderful

fellowship. Not one of my friends or

family knew what I was doing around

food, as most of it was done in secret,

and I was always careful to remove all

the evidence. I couldn't believe that

anyone would love me if they knew what I

was doing around food, and felt that I

was either really bad or totally crazy,

or both. But for the first time ever, I

was able to come clean about what I was

doing around food, and I wasn't judged

or frowned upon. The love and acceptance

I have received here has been totally

overwhelming, but in addition I found

out that others had done the same or

similar things to what I had done, and

so for the first time ever, I felt that

I wasn't alone.

Not only have I been able to talk freely

about my food and what I had been doing,

as well as what it was doing to me, but

in the fourth and fifth step, I was

finally able to share with another

person my darkest deepest secrets, that

for years I'd thought had made me this

terrible person. It was in fact in

sharing all the things that I'd thought

of as so bad, that I came to realise

that it was only my magnifying mind that

had made them appear so, and that in

fact they really weren't bad at all. I

would never have found that out, had I

not been in this program, and I'm so

grateful for the relief that sharing all

these things has given me.


I will learn to get honest and share

with my sponsor and others in this

program, all the things that are

bothering me, whether it be food or

other issues, so I can be relieved of

the pain that all my secrets are causing