~ SECRETS ~
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There were deep secrets hidden in my
heart, never said for fear others would
scoff or sneer. At last I can reveal my
sufferings, for the strength I once felt
in silence has lost all its power.
Deirdra Sarault
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I've heard it said in program that we
are only a sick as the secrets we
keep. If that is the case, then I was
very sick when desperation forced me
through the doors of ths wonderful
fellowship. Not one of my friends or
family knew what I was doing around
food, as most of it was done in secret,
and I was always careful to remove all
the evidence. I couldn't believe that
anyone would love me if they knew what I
was doing around food, and felt that I
was either really bad or totally crazy,
or both. But for the first time ever, I
was able to come clean about what I was
doing around food, and I wasn't judged
or frowned upon. The love and acceptance
I have received here has been totally
overwhelming, but in addition I found
out that others had done the same or
similar things to what I had done, and
so for the first time ever, I felt that
I wasn't alone.
Not only have I been able to talk freely
about my food and what I had been doing,
as well as what it was doing to me, but
in the fourth and fifth step, I was
finally able to share with another
person my darkest deepest secrets, that
for years I'd thought had made me this
terrible person. It was in fact in
sharing all the things that I'd thought
of as so bad, that I came to realise
that it was only my magnifying mind that
had made them appear so, and that in
fact they really weren't bad at all. I
would never have found that out, had I
not been in this program, and I'm so
grateful for the relief that sharing all
these things has given me.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will learn to get honest and share
with my sponsor and others in this
program, all the things that are
bothering me, whether it be food or
other issues, so I can be relieved of
the pain that all my secrets are causing
me.