~ FIGHTING ~
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And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone ...
The Big Book, page 84
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When one goes through life at full speed
ahead as I have done, it's hard to
really step back and look at one's
life. Everything is happening too fast
and each day seems to blend into the
next and, before you know it, the next
segment of life seems to take over.
When I began my Twelve Step recovery
program, I found myself slowing down
... examining my life ... observing
those around me ... and reflecting on my
past. I began to know who I was and I
didn't like one of the things I
discovered: I was a fighter. I didn't
accept people, places or things unless
and until they met my expectations of
what they should be. I tried to control
situations that I should have walked
away from. I clung to people I should
have distanced myself from. I tried to
manipulate things that were toxic to me,
and make them un-toxic ... and, in the
process, did myself great harm.
When I first read those words from the AABB, "We
have ceased fighting anything or anyone," I felt
it didn't apply to me ... because at that point, I
hadn't categorized myself as a fighter. It took
living and working the Steps to realize that. And
it took living and working the Steps to take the
action necessary to stop being a fighter.
Life is calmer now. Relationships are smoother. I
sometimes miss the excitement of going through
like as though I were on a roller coaster ... but
I won't go back there. Serenity means too much to
me. Fighting is something I have put away forever.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will direct my thinking and doing to those things in my life which will contribute to a meaningful and pleasant journey.