~ CEASE STRIVING ~
~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
"Cease Striving - Let Go, Relax - And Know that I Am God"
. . . . Psalms 46:10
*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
I can count on one hand the times in my
life in which I’ve been able to feel
truly relaxed. Our disease is often
driven by our efforts to control our
lives: we labor to control our emotions,
our relationships, our image, and our
"masks" which we wear in a valiant
effort to control how other people see
and respond to us.
This effort to control ourselves and our
lives is a ruthless taskmaster and a
double-edged sword. It cuts like a knife
through our very souls and requires that
we forsake who we are in a misguided -
and fruitless - attempt to be who we
believe we "should be." I have worked so
hard at trying to mold myself into an
Acceptable Person that I have lost who I
truly Am. All of my ceaseless efforts to
mold myself into who I thought I Should
Be have cost me my very sense of Self,
and has been a painful eroding of my own
Identity - it is a tragic self-imposed
suicide of my Soul.
Like many of us, in order to enter
recovery I had to come to the End of
Myself and lose any sense of Control I
had over my life. This was terrifying
for me - I believed that even without a
false sense of control, my life would
implode and leave only ruined remnants
in its place.
But I have not imploded. I have not been
destroyed. With the crumbling of my
masks and my frantic efforts to control
everything, I have found a surprising
sense of peace and safety - even in the
midst of the chaos in my life. I am
convinced that had God not brought me to
the end of my own efforts, I would not
be in a place in which I can hear His
Voice. My ears would have remained deaf
to His promise to never forsake me. Had
He not firmly - yet gently - gotten my
attention, my unsettled Mind would have
continued to shout warnings and commands
into my withered soul. Hitting Bottom is
the best thing that could have happened
to me, for I landed not in destruction,
but in His eternal loving arms.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will choose to cease my own striving and efforts to control my life. I will practice being still and knowing that my Higher Power is with me at all times, in every circumstance of my life.