Recovery Meditations ~ Cease Striving ~ One Day At A Time ~ March 14, 2011


~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

"Cease Striving - Let Go, Relax - And Know that I Am God"

. . . . Psalms 46:10

*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

I can count on one hand the times in my

life in which I’ve been able to feel

truly relaxed. Our disease is often

driven by our efforts to control our

lives: we labor to control our emotions,

our relationships, our image, and our

"masks" which we wear in a valiant

effort to control how other people see

and respond to us.

This effort to control ourselves and our

lives is a ruthless taskmaster and a

double-edged sword. It cuts like a knife

through our very souls and requires that

we forsake who we are in a misguided -

and fruitless - attempt to be who we

believe we "should be." I have worked so

hard at trying to mold myself into an

Acceptable Person that I have lost who I

truly Am. All of my ceaseless efforts to

mold myself into who I thought I Should

Be have cost me my very sense of Self,

and has been a painful eroding of my own

Identity - it is a tragic self-imposed

suicide of my Soul.

Like many of us, in order to enter

recovery I had to come to the End of

Myself and lose any sense of Control I

had over my life. This was terrifying

for me - I believed that even without a

false sense of control, my life would

implode and leave only ruined remnants

in its place.

But I have not imploded. I have not been

destroyed. With the crumbling of my

masks and my frantic efforts to control

everything, I have found a surprising

sense of peace and safety - even in the

midst of the chaos in my life. I am

convinced that had God not brought me to

the end of my own efforts, I would not

be in a place in which I can hear His

Voice. My ears would have remained deaf

to His promise to never forsake me. Had

He not firmly - yet gently - gotten my

attention, my unsettled Mind would have

continued to shout warnings and commands

into my withered soul. Hitting Bottom is

the best thing that could have happened

to me, for I landed not in destruction,

but in His eternal loving arms.


I will choose to cease my own striving and efforts to control my life. I will practice being still and knowing that my Higher Power is with me at all times, in every circumstance of my life.