~ LOYALTY ~
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"To state the facts frankly is not to
despair the future nor indict the past.
The prudent heir takes careful inventory
of his legacies and gives a faithful
accounting to those whom he owes an
obligation of trust."
- John F. Kennedy
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As is often typical of a compulsive
overeater, the more I struggled to be
loyal in my relationships with others,
God, and myself, the more I found myself
to be capable of loyalty only to food,
shame, hiding my secrets, and despairing
of any hope for recovery.
It was my shame that drove me to
ineffectual attempts at loyalty -- and
shame breeds loyalty only to shame.
My relationships were in chaos, my mind
was my enemy, and my emotions were
tumultuous. When my pain overcame my
attempts to be loyal, and my addiction
to shame led to broken relationships, I
had to finally admit that my efforts to
control my life were fruitless – and
would remain fruitless -- unless I
sought help.
When I entered recovery I feared the
honesty and transparency that loyalty to
self, others, God, and the truth would
require of me. Among others who
struggled with the same disease,
however, I found that there can be no
loyalty without taking a fearless
inventory of my life and making a
faithful accounting of my legacy. I
found that I must surrender my loyalty
to my disease, and place my loyalty in
the hands of God and in the open sharing
of my reality. Only then could I
cultivate loyalty in my relationships.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will choose loyalty to healthy relationships with others, God, and myself -- and I will resist the temptation to be loyal to my disease.