~ LONELINESS ~
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Feeling our loneliness magnifies it.
Understanding our loneliness can open
doors into our self-awareness, which we
long for and need.
Anthony Robbins
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Before I found my Twelve Step program, I
felt so lonely. I was stuck in total
isolation and the feeling of loneliness
felt one hundred times worse. The
isolation and loneliness caused me to
continually eat ... and so I'd isolate
more. What a vicious cycle!
When I found my recovery program, I
still wanted to isolate. When going to
meetings, I wanted the seat with nobody
around it. I didn't want to open my
mouth to share or talk, even after the
meeting. I kept coming back even though
I felt alone, because I heard familiar
things that really interested me. I
eventually saw that most of the people
in the room felt the same loneliness I
did. I began to understand why I felt so
lonely.
When I understood that my compulsive
eating was causing me to isolate and be
more lonely, a big burden was lifted off
my shoulders. I finally felt some hope!
Then I found that there were many other
doors in the past that I should open and
become more aware of. These past
happenings were what started and fueled
this disease of compulsive eating. I
wanted to know but I was also afraid to
find out.
The similarities, kindness and love I
found in the rooms made it easier to
look at my past. Understanding that I
was not the total reason for my
loneliness, I began making amends. I
needed to forgive others who had harmed
me and those I had harmed. I felt
lighter and more self aware, and
confidence began to emerge.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will remember that it's okay and good
to feel my feelings but they don't have
to rule my life. I don't have to let
loneliness magnify, causing me to eat
uncontrollably to solve the
problem. I've learned to turn things
over to my Higher Power and to let them
go. Looking back is the key to my self-
awareness and my recovery.