Recovery Meditations ~ Expectations ~ One Day at a Time ~ June 13, 2011


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"It’s astonishing in this world how

things don’t turn out at all the way you

expect them to."

Agatha Christie

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My life has been strangled by

expectations ~ expectations I’ve held

for myself; expectations others had of

me; expectations I had of others;

expectations I had for my life; and

expectations I had of the God of my

understanding. Again and again, my

expectations were not met ~ and I was

angry. I felt grossly let down and I was

filled with resentment and

shame. Eventually I became consumed by a

toxic sense of angry and depressing

apathy. If nothing turned out as I

expected, why bother? I’d held so

tightly to my expectations that they

choked the life out of my soul. They

condemned me to an existence of

futility, frustration, selfishness, and

despair. I thought that my expectations

were realistic and "right"; therefore

each variance from my expectations

seemed a violation of the natural order

of things.

Since beginning my Recovery work, I’ve

come to recognize that I virtually

believed that I was God. I thought I

knew what was "best", what was "right",

and what was "supposed" to

happen. Though I am sometimes resistant,

I am learning to let go of my

expectations. I am learning to change my

focus from my finite understanding to

the mysterious and omniscient plan held

safely and sanely in the hands of

God. As I work my steps and learn from

others, I find that I am relieved that

my earlier expectations did not come to



I surrender my former expectations and

now expect only one thing: that as I

work my steps, God will bring me

increasing depths of sanity.